Restor(y)ing Hope

She began slowly. This was her history, her story.  It needed to be told slowly. Each word carefully handpicked and strung together like small stitches sewn in a tapestry. At certain moments the needle would prick sharply as the colourful thread would weave it’s way through, linking the different parts of the narrative.  

What had been a room full of nattering women sipping on hot cups of coffee suddenly turned into a still audience of captivated listeners. 

Little by little the faint crackles in her soft voice began to disappear and the words came out – thick and strong, clearly and confidently. Some moments she would smile warmly and at others moments her cheeks would be wet with tears, but all the time her voice grew stronger. 

Her story was one about love, about loss, about unspeakable pain but mostly it was a story about hope.

 My eyes left our storyteller for a few seconds, distracted by the small sniff of the woman to my right. When I looked from her to the other women in the room I noticed some rummaging for tissues and some just wiping their cheeks with the back of their hands. I realised in that moment that with each word spoken, and heard, we were making sense of something much larger than ourselves. We were all being reminded of our deeply human capacity to lean in to our own and other’s stories and in the process; love each other back into wholeness. 

By the time our storyteller finished, sunshine was pouring into the room; this, along with the smell of a fresh pot of brewing coffee, had melted away the chilly bite of the Spring air. It was a beautiful morning with a wonderful woman.

It is probably the thing I cherish most about the work we do at Strongest Story, it is a part of facilitating the course that requires no preparation, no power points, no manual to read and no books to study. Instead, in just three simple steps of asking, listening and telling, the most powerful thing is shared – our stories.

 It is through narrative that we become part of whole worlds being changed. Walls come crashing down and bridges begin to be built. Restoration happens. Prejudices start to slowly suffocate and the light of understanding and empathy glows. 

 Sadly, South Africa’s history has been marked by robbing people of their stories. This has destroyed so much. It is what happens when we deny people their rightful stories, we destroy them. De-story. Destroy.

September in South Africa marks Heritage month. It’s a month specifically dedicated to remembering our past stories. It’s through the sharing of these diverse, colourful, broken, painful, beautiful, redemptive and extraordinary stories that South Africa can begin to be restored. Re-story. Restore.

Our Strongest Story challenge to you as we leave a cold September Spring behind us and welcome in the warm summer ahead, is to embrace your part in restoring our beautiful country. Begin with three simple steps. Ask. Listen. Tell.

The Wonder of being a Woman

A couple of days ago, I found myself in my childhood town standing in front of a school hall full of teenage girls. Pony-tails, hitched skirts and twisted ties – it felt like just yesterday that I was in those same scuffed-up school shoes kicking my way through the daily dramas of being a teenager. 

The girls laughed when I related my love story of falling for a boy in a nearby school, but eyes widened as I shared deeper, more poignant, teenage tales – all of which they could easily identify with. 

Since their theme was superheroes (and being the beginning of August; Women’s Month) I knew there was no one better to bring to the party than Wonder Woman!

The girls gasped with excitement as I played a short clip from the movie where Wonder Woman courageously, and gorgeously, stuns the men around her and fearlessly takes on the enemy. She gets knocked down again and again and each time she remarkably manages to get up and fight on. 

But, of course, we quickly moved away from the perfectly-supernatural and all-wonderful Wonder Woman to the genuine woman inside the costume; actress Gal Gadot who, when asked what she loved most about playing the role of Wonder Women replied: “Isn’t she what we all want to be? She’s fearless, proactive and believes in herself”.

For all the remarkable things Wonder Woman is able to do, I love that Gal Gadot, without hesitating, isolates those three characteristics; to be fearless, proactive and have self-belief.

It was easy for me, from that point, to interact with the girls about what this might mean for envisaging their own stories - most especially as young girls growing up in a world that will undoubtedly try and knock them down.

It felt surprisingly warm in that chilly school hall and I remember looking out onto that diverse sea of beautiful young girls and wishing that, just for a moment, I could bottle up all the self-belief and possibility I saw in their eyes. Perhaps that way I could safely preserve all that courage and keep them believing that they too can be the heroine of their own epic story?

I know that life will knock them down, it will make them fearful and at times they’ll even stop writing their own stories and hand the script over to an overbearing parent or a handsome young boy. 

But the most wonderful thing about women is that we know how to clean a wound; and whilst scars might not leave us, they remind us that we do in fact have the strength and the courage to get up again… and again!

Envisaging the Vespa

After the death of a loved one, a long period of grief and depression, Candy Chang wanted to start a conversation. So she covered a crumbling house in her New Orleans neighbourhood with chalkboard paint and stenciled it with the prompt:

 “Before I die I want to…” 

Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on life, and share their personal aspirations in public.

By the next day, the wall was entirely filled out and it kept growing: “Before I die I want to… see my daughter graduate, sing for millions, abandon my insecurities, eat all the carbs I want, tell my mother I love her, see the leaves change many times, love recklessly again, make a liveable wage, have a student come back and tell me it mattered, live off the grid, follow my childhood dream, be completely myself.”

Thanks to passionate people around the world; over 4,000 walls have now been created in over 70 countries. 

So you can just imagine my delight when one day in July 2016, as I was meandering through the streets of Athens in Greece, I stumbled across one of these walls. I excitedly scribbled down; "Before I die I want to … learn to ride a Vespa!"  It was kind of silly, but not actually. It was me saying I want to challenge myself to be more courageous, to step into a new story and embrace the lighter side of life. It symbolized a snapshot of me wanting to overcome my insecurities.

It has taken me 2 years to finally pluck up the resolve to go for my Vespa Learners License and actually get on the road. This week for the first time I did it! 

I donned the helmet, sat down on the seat, placed my hands on the bars and took comfort in the fact that the brake levers were a lot like my mountain bike. I was a little scared to take my feet off the ground and trust this machine, but as soon as I twisted the throttle and felt the wind in my hair, I smiled. I wondered what had held me back for two years. It was not nearly as daunting as I had imagined. Of course I did wobble nervously when corning my first bend, but as soon as I got familiar with the art of starting and stopping, it was time to see what was around the corner  ... of the parking lot!

When I think back to that day in Greece, discovering this wall sprawled with coloured chalk and feeling desperately inspired by the aspirations of other people, I think that really I should have written something way more profound. Perhaps I could've been as clever as the person who wrote; “Before I die... I want to live”. But then I recognized that that was exactly what I had written. Envisaging the Vespa was just that -  it was all about living a little more bravely, taking my feet off the ground and capturing the moment.

Step into your Story

A letter to my younger self.

Dear Darling, 

You are about to marry a man who is going to take you on a wild ride. In this story there will be glitz and glamour mixed with famous faces and extraordinary experiences. And along the way you’re going to have your hair blown back, so remember - tie it up in a ponytail!

He really wants to write his story with you - you’re his leading lady!  His story will take you from the North Pole to the South and from Bali in the East to Peru in the West. Each encounter will form a chapter of your own story; so try not to turn these invitations down (you’re so complicated that way.) 

Ironically ... you’re also going to have to stay at home. Alone. A lot. Even though he really wants you with him, they won’t always invite you. People will clamber for his attention, his autograph, his photograph. Some fans will drift like clouds through your life and they will be authentic and gracious. But others will burn deeply into your privacy and leave a blister on your self-esteem. 

It’s at this point Sweetheart, that you’re going to make your first big mistake. You’re going to start a friendship with Insecurity.  She will take you on a lonely path that will pull you away from your intended storyline and into a dark chapter called depression. In this chapter, tears will burn your eyes and spill silently onto your cheeks, deception will find it’s way into every corner of your mind and each day will seem less perfect than the next. Oh I wish I could protect you from these desperately hard parts of your story. But we both know that I won’t, because a story is not complete without all of its chapters. 

So, if you don’t mind me making a suggestion… resist feel sorry for yourself, you’re not a victim.  You made a choice to focus on your weaknesses, to bow to your own criticism and to slowly become invisible – even in your own story. You’ve created this near perfect mirage of your husband. You’ve forgotten that he is just a good man who has written a strong story, where he gets to do what he enjoys most and does best.

So I’m thinking, you need to stop calling yourself useless. That narrative gets kind of boring. Don’t let those invisible hands of insecurity paint your heart with lies and keep you hiding in the shadow. Instead, confidently seek the courage to step back into your own story, the one that you were created for. Start finding out what’s right about you. What are you passionate about and what unique strengths have you been given?  Perhaps your story won’t be a series of fireworks, it may be more like a rocket launch; exciting, noisy, bumpy – but with purpose and a destination.

And finally my Darling, know this; the most painful chapters of your story will never go to waste. They will be used to strengthen the stories of others. You will shape the footprint of many women and teach them how to harness their unique strengths. You will always see the best in others and help them see it too. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Definitely don’t compare yourself to others. Just do something noteworthy with this story that you have been given.