A letter to my younger self.
Dear Darling,
You are about to marry a man who is going to take you on a wild ride. In this story there will be glitz and glamour mixed with famous faces and extraordinary experiences. And along the way you’re going to have your hair blown back, so remember - tie it up in a ponytail!
He really wants to write his story with you - you’re his leading lady! His story will take you from the North Pole to the South and from Bali in the East to Peru in the West. Each encounter will form a chapter of your own story; so try not to turn these invitations down (you’re so complicated that way.)
Ironically ... you’re also going to have to stay at home. Alone. A lot. Even though he really wants you with him, they won’t always invite you. People will clamber for his attention, his autograph, his photograph. Some fans will drift like clouds through your life and they will be authentic and gracious. But others will burn deeply into your privacy and leave a blister on your self-esteem.
It’s at this point Sweetheart, that you’re going to make your first big mistake. You’re going to start a friendship with Insecurity. She will take you on a lonely path that will pull you away from your intended storyline and into a dark chapter called depression. In this chapter, tears will burn your eyes and spill silently onto your cheeks, deception will find it’s way into every corner of your mind and each day will seem less perfect than the next. Oh I wish I could protect you from these desperately hard parts of your story. But we both know that I won’t, because a story is not complete without all of its chapters.
So, if you don’t mind me making a suggestion… resist feel sorry for yourself, you’re not a victim. You made a choice to focus on your weaknesses, to bow to your own criticism and to slowly become invisible – even in your own story. You’ve created this near perfect mirage of your husband. You’ve forgotten that he is just a good man who has written a strong story, where he gets to do what he enjoys most and does best.
So I’m thinking, you need to stop calling yourself useless. That narrative gets kind of boring. Don’t let those invisible hands of insecurity paint your heart with lies and keep you hiding in the shadow. Instead, confidently seek the courage to step back into your own story, the one that you were created for. Start finding out what’s right about you. What are you passionate about and what unique strengths have you been given? Perhaps your story won’t be a series of fireworks, it may be more like a rocket launch; exciting, noisy, bumpy – but with purpose and a destination.
And finally my Darling, know this; the most painful chapters of your story will never go to waste. They will be used to strengthen the stories of others. You will shape the footprint of many women and teach them how to harness their unique strengths. You will always see the best in others and help them see it too. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Definitely don’t compare yourself to others. Just do something noteworthy with this story that you have been given.